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Love your life, [07 May 2008|11:44am]
[ mood | sympathetic ]

Live. Laugh. Love.


GET IN YOUR HOUSE YOU FAT BITCH [10 Mar 2008|01:12am]
St Pattys Day. YEAUHHH. rep.
All right so we were at this party in Chicago (Mike, Sara, Heather, Carly, Me..) and this fucking bitch got pissed cuz her jager was gone. Ummm you had a party and youre surprised that people drank your shit??? Oh well she got pissed and I was like this bitch needs to get that shit fixed cuz she was like screaming and shit. I was like whatever so she kicked everybody out. We were all outside and we were chillin. So the bitch comes out and her fat ass was like EVERYBODY LEAVE YOURE ALL IGNORANT AND YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NOW. And I was like BITCH WHAT???? So we walked away and I see her fighting with Heather's friend. And then she starts talking shit to my brother and she was gettin all up in his face and I was like DONT FUCKING TOUCH HIM YOU PIECE OF SHIT. She was walkin her happy ass towards me and I was like are you serious? So my brother went crazy and shit and I dunno but she wanted to fight me Im like look at you. SERRRRRRIOUSLY. YEahh.. Like he didnt even do anything wrong. So I was like bitchin her stupid ass out and everyone was staring at me. And I was like GET IN YOUR HOUSE YOU FAT BIIIIIIIITCH. and that was the end of that chapter. what did i learn? that stupid bitches need to shut the fuck up and walk their happy ass back into your house and eat everything in there because im sure thats what she did when everyone left. ;]
Umm theres this guy that Billys friend with [his boss] and his name is the Steve Richard's Experience. And he looks like Jake Gyllenhaal. Damnn baby how you doin'? No seriously but he's so cool. He looks straight in your eyes when he talks to you. Ohh shiiit. But Billy is awesome and I miss his stupid ass. Even though I saw him yesterday. He makes me laugh. <3

83 Weeks Later.... [04 Mar 2008|04:31pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I recently remembered I had this journal. Hm. A lot I guess has happened since then. Met a lot of people during that time. Some of which I wish I could forget. And even though people are going to walk out on you you have to stay strong and grow from each new day. Sometimes I wonder why people do the things they do. Lie. Deceit. Betray. Cheat. Use. I really can't grasp the fact that people are so hurtful. They're going to do what they want no matter who it hurts.
So there's been some guys in my life in the past year or two. I've hurt some, some have hurt me. But no matter how much you prepare yourself for the worst, you have to be optimistic and hopeful. You can't go around with a bad attitude because that will never get you anywhere, or so I've learned. So I was gonna talk about these guys. Some were friends, hook-ups, or boyfriends.
I'll start off with Adam. I met this guy in Sept. of 06' and it was someone I would never imagined having feelings for. He was sorta skater-ish, stoner and he is cute but not my type. I fell for him pretty hard. And he fucked me over many times. I still went back to him after it all. I just enjoyed being around him. He has a magnetic personality and a charm that could lure any girl to him. I hated that. But all in all I remember one night I was fed up with his shit, and I asked him straight up, why do you do this? He mentioned that he had feelings for me and all but he couldnt be with me because it just wouldn't work. Well.. I had pretty strong feelings for him. And he went on to say that I was a beautiful girl and I should stand up for myself and don't let anyone take advantage of me. I don't talk to him anymore because he always has a new girlfriend. He taught me some things, like to not be fooled by the games that guys play.
Another guy I dated for a few months was Ryan. Ohh... Ryan. He is so attractive. The all American guy, smart, tall, sweet.... etc. He worked with my brother. I began talking to him out of fate and we hung out everyday from Jan. 06-April 06. He is perfect. He knew what I was going to say before I even said it. He was funny and had a lot of friends. He was caring and everything was too good to be true. He took care of me when I was drunk. Called me all the time and listened to me when I was talking out of my ass. Everything was nice but it ended abruptly and he broke my heart so bad. I cried for months. I guess it just ended badly. And I'm still a little confused about the whole thing.
There are not many other guys I truly cared about. But now I'm seeing this guy. His name is Billy. He's pretty great. But I'm a little hesitant cuz I've been fucked over so much. I've been seeing him for a couple months. He works downtown and he's really smart. He makes me laugh when I dont want to. He gives me his jacket when Im cold and likes cuddling at night. I sleep over on Friday nights. To tell you the truth I have been pretty happy lately. Despite all the fucked up shit, I am happy. I just realized that everything happens for a reason and I have to accept that.
I almost forgot that I'm going to modeling and acting school in Oakbrook. It's fun. Acting is hard. I've grown a lot. The people are fun. I feel like I can let loose when I'm there. It builds your self esteem a lot. I just can't wait to see where this road takes me. I have an audition Saturday. I need some luck.


..just forget the world. [27 Jul 2006|11:08am]
[ mood | silly ]

I work a lot, but not really. It just seems like I'm always at work, or whenever anyone wants to do something it happens to be when I'm at work. Yeah, it sucks. It's money though. I was in summer school for math, but I passed! Ya, so that's good. Kevin thinks I'm a nerd but I'm not.. lol. Umm let's see. I guess I'll start from last Friday. I went to Wisconsin with my mom, aunt, and her friend D. I must say they are pretty cool for a bunch of old people. haha. They think they have to be cool around me, and I'm like ..wow. I don't really care ,haha. We stayed at D's log cabin, it's really nice! I wanna live there. And she has a boat. But anyways we got there around 10:15 and went to this bar called The Dirty Turtle. It was fun. Then we went to another bar called Shipwreck.

Uhh.. Saturday we ate breakfast and went out on the lake with D's boat. It was really nice out. Then we went back home and I showered and went to a bonfire. Wisconsin people are so wierd. Haha. But it's funny. This girl kept calling me cute. Her name is Ericka. Ya, I pretty much met a whole family at the Dirtle Turtle. Ericka, Joey, Stephen, their dad, Brian and I forgot the other two brothers.  They were all really nice to me. They told me I am proper or something haha. Meh.

Sunday, ate breakfast and went out on the boat again and went jet skiiing! I drove! go meee. It was a lot of fun. That was pretty much the last of my weekend with them. D my mom and my aunt are obsessed with the song Don't Cha. They were singing it in the car all weekend. I was like wooooow. Hahaha.

Monday I worked 5-9 and Sara picked me up from work. We went to Speedway and got some gatorade and water. Ha. Then her car wouldn't start so we had to ask random people for jumper cables. And these two guys .. Russ and Idk the other guy's name were talking to us. They look like stoners haha. So we got it started with the help of this random couple and drove Russ and the other guy back home. We were just talking in Sara's car and she thought it would be ok to turn the car off, but nope. So we got yet another guy to help us. That's when we decided we should go home. Crazy night.

Tuesday was my last day of school and I was happy about that. Took a nap when I got home and showered and went over to Kevin's. We chilled for a while and then Renee and her friend picked us up. We went to the driving range. Hahaha. That was fun. Kevin sucked but then he got better. Hehe. I at least hit the ball. Yeaa. Steve was really good. Psh.  After that we went to Tastee Freez and Kevin and i both got banana splits. Badd idea. They were too big. We should've got one and shared. Oops. We decided to go to their friend Jess's and Kevin was fixing their internet or something and we watched Waiting. Actually I had to leave early, and I was pissed at my mom. Because she said my curfew was 10:30. Wtf is that shit. Soo yea. I was really pissed so when I got home I just went to bed.

Wednesday I did nothing all day. Mike and my dad were at Oshkosh. I was home alone. My mom was at work. Went to work at 3. It was horrible. Stupid OVD. Grrr. It was so busy. Uhhh workeed and chilled with Bobby D in the crew room when I got off. Haha he's awesome. He's so funny. Went home and pretty much went to sleep.

Today I planned on going with my mom to take Bear to the animal hospital to get his shots. Then going to the cleaners to pick up my work pants and the mall! I love the mall. I think I'm going to apply at AE cuz Gina got a job at AE in orland. I might as well give it a try. There's nothing to lose. I spend enough money there anyways. Thenn maybe out with Sara or Joi or someone or if Kevin wants to do something maybe that.
I'm tired of writing. Hope you all have a good day.

' I really like what you've.. done to me. I can't really explain it..'

ah guess what [12 Jul 2006|11:08pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Kevin McEnaney is my boy.
And he is oh so cute.
And I heart him.

You make it so good I don't wanna leave [19 Jun 2006|02:07am]

the hills [11 Jun 2006|12:55am]
OHMY. jason is the fucking hottest man aalive.

maybe misery is what i need to keep my sanity [20 May 2006|08:24am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

today was relay for life. i knew what to expect, yet i still was unprepared to see it or them. i knew what the feeling was going to be like but it hurt a lot more than i thought it would. it was just a really bad feeling inside of me, like i was inadequate. i hate that feeling so much. although it was nice to talk to him, i realized i miss that kid. he's so cute. i was jealous, yet happy for them. sometimes it just gets to me and makes me sad. i know i wont ever have him like that, and that's okay, i just believe that i won't ever see the kid again. i don't want that to happen. ugh. i realized i liked that kid sooo much for a good while and i was too blind to see he didn't want me like that. i should've known, but i dunno. i wanted to say a million things to him but i didn't know how.

another update later, i'm bummed out and will be for a while.


oh yeaaaa [03 May 2006|09:19pm]

oh [02 May 2006|09:10am]
i hate people who can't keep their stupid mouths shut.
seriously. if someone told me not to tell someone something
guess what... i don't tell them. i just wish other people could do that.

i have a problem...... i think [02 May 2006|09:08am]
[ mood | sick ]

um i think i have eating problems.
i mean like bad ones.
sometimes i won't eat all day.
and sometimes eat normally.
but when i do eat i feel like i shouldn't be.
do me a favor people
keep this between us?


you're like cocaine [17 Apr 2006|12:10am]
and i'm addicted.

''You're so cute when you're slurrin your speech..'' [10 Apr 2006|12:29am]
[ mood | complacent ]

I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup
everything but you 
you were meant for me
and i was meant for you.

i think i want to take a tiny piece of everyone i come in contact with in my life
that has impacted me in some way 
and keep a little part of them 
close to my heart
all locked up 
people can take anything from me
no one could take that away from me.
i wish i could read your mind
in fact 
there should be a switch 
so when i desperately need to know what you're thinking
it'd be turned on
and i'd know what to do.
It's like I've spent forever searching
now I know that it was worth it
and with you it feels like I am finally home.
There's just a part of me that's not ready to give in yet.
There's a part of me that knows he spends more time thinking about me than I know.
There's something telling me that he doesn't want to let me go.
 It does something to me seeing him and being around him and knowing that we still barely know each other.
I mean we know each other somewhat, to a certain extent.
He's intriguing and I want get to know him, even if I know we'll only just be friends.


I don't fucking understand how I'm not good enough to try right. 
I know I am, but guys seem to overlook that 99.9% of the time.
You can treat ANY other girl nice, take her out, get to know her
but not me, oh no. that just would be wrong.
fuck you.




Love makes the world go round * [08 Apr 2006|11:07pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

We'll make them so jealous, we'll make them hate us.
They ignore each other 
and look the other way
but  they both know
that it wasn't supposed to be this way


i have a new found talent for impersonating people [05 Apr 2006|09:24pm]
[ mood | awake ]

more like the way they walk. but I am DAAAYUUM good at it.
people were gathering to see me... haa.
uhhh I think I was so hyper today after school cuz I only ate a cookie and drank a grape water thingy. haha. upsies.
shane plewa is cheating on me. :( JERK.
ooooo YAAAA.
k slept from 530-9?
yikes. I gotta stop that. I think I have a problem. :p
I think I should get bigger boobs.
......Nahhh people would like it too much.
So I get wierded out when he smiles at me, I mean he's done it since Monday. But before that he barely said hi, so I think this is good.
and the answer is YES! I do like boys too much!!!

AND [05 Apr 2006|12:06am]
yes i like boys too much.
i didn't give up on summer boy yet.
he's intriguing, and really hot.
man i just realized i liked him A LOT
and still do.
he's a litttle shy, but i he'll get over it.
i won't bite.
when i get ((MY LICENSE)) and my car
i told him we'd do something.
he got excited. it was funny
because he's a tough guy
and in school he's all
*looks at me with those blue eyes*
and i could see his nervousness.
i mean for HIM to be NERVOUS?!
oh babyyyyyyy.

i'm getting old. i'm out PEACE.

OH! [05 Apr 2006|12:01am]
and honestly from being around the other one
that he's really a good kid
he gives off mixed signals though
and i'm not good at reading guys.
i mean i don't know him THAT well
but i've been around him long enough
and i think the main thing that drew me to him
was the fact that he seemed so sweet
like he wouldnt break my heart
and i wish things could work out
but i have no idea
i really just love being around him.
he makes me laugh.
i love laughing.

and people have soooo many miconceptions about us.
it doesn't really get to me. they just think they know what's going on with us, and they watch us and talk about us. they're so dumb. they piss me off sometimes. because i can't even go in a room with anyone of them without them mentioning his name.

meh. i gotta finish chemistry. morandi wants me to do good....
too much on my mind tonight.

he's on your mind...he's on your mind... [04 Apr 2006|11:52pm]
[ mood | blah ]

i got that smile from you today
and that smile, honestly
made me happy for a while.
cuz you looked at me and got this
huge smile on your face.
when you're nice
it makes me happy.
honestly, you can make or
ruin my day. i have no idea
where we are going with this.


i remember [01 Apr 2006|05:10pm]
when i first met him
for some reason, i knew he was nervous
but he hid it well. he was joking, yet polite and playful.
i was scared and didn't want him to break my heart
because i knew from the minute i met him that he wasn't just any guy.
he had a mindset that i already had feelings for someone else,
and told me to talk to the other boy i had liked before i met him
but i didn't want to, because i knew he'd get the impression
that i didn't like him. and that's not what i wanted to happen.
i told myself that i couldn't fall for him, but after being around him for a while i'd developed feelings for him that i couldn't put aside.
and i remember envisioning us being together as a couple,
but i told myself to snap out of it.
he has this style that makes him so desireable and irrisistable.
the voice that i could listen to forever
and the eyes that i could stare into for hours.
i wish i could pause time and stay right there
because honestly, my life would not need anything else.
lately i've been talking to him, and it's like it used to be
before he had a girlfriend. it's hard to explain.
he makes me feel like i'm beautiful and i get this incredible high.
it's like i'm so close to being where i started from
when the feelings between us were new.
it makes me believe and i need something to believe in.
something deep inside me is telling me this is for a reason.

what does the weekend hold? [22 Mar 2006|12:30am]
guys notice more than i give them credit for.

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